For many years, I lived in bondage from trust issues. It stemmed from so many things in my past. I had built up so many walls. Little by little, the walls grew...abuse, love lost, broken promises, betrayal, lies, words spoken over my life... before I knew it, I had huge walls around my heart. I didn't know how to trust anymore or maybe it was that I didn't want to trust anymore.  My heart couldn't deal with the hurt anymore. Every new hurt opened up wounds from the past and took me back to that moment in time. I was living a lie, everything looked joyful and happy on the outside but inside... I was so broken and angry. I had a handful of people that I trusted in my life but I second guessed every kind word they spoke, not trusting it. I read God's words that spoke of His love and how He died on the cross for me, that I am His...but it never soaked into my spirit, it was all for someone else. How could it be for me, people who loved me always left.
It was not until recently that I realized I don't live in that bondage any more. I have prayed for many years to be able to forgive those who have caused the hurts in my life. I have prayed many times and cried many tears that God would help me to not feel this way. I had to surrender the past to him. I have realized that God is protecting me by allow some relationships to be distant and nonexistence now. I have learned to read God's words about His love for me and trust that I am included in those words, not just those around me. I have learned to accepted love from those around me. God has sent some amazing people my way who speak God's truth to me about my life. And I can finally let that truth resonate in my spirit and affirm God's love for me.  After Mikayla was born, I had to learn to trust God with her and the life that she had been given. Trust is something I have to pray about often and every time a new situation comes my way... give it over to God.  Sometimes the enemy brings little thoughts about past situations, words that were spoken over my life, and thoughts of unworthiness BUT GOD... GOD takes those yucks and speaks words of truth, His true words about me. I am now able to have a true peace and joy in my life despite all those past wounds because I trust in God. It has not been an easy road of recovery but I know it is possible. It is amazing to look back at the wounded person I once was and see the renewed, stronger woman I am today. BUT GOD...
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. - Isiah 40:31

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge. - Ps 46:1-3

My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. - Ps 73:26

Then I realized my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. YET, I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. - Ps 73:22-24

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are interchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary.  - Hebrews 6:18-19